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Archive for October, 2008

all around you?(2)

October 17, 2008 1 comment

so i have been reading this poem a lot since last week and i have been thinking a lot about it too. i always find poetry quite a bizarre thing- there’s so much going on in a poem; some of it jumps straight out at you and other things take their time to become clear and then you have a wee “ooh” moment.

this past week has been really busy. sometimes it’s hard to see things in the busy times and i often feel it’s during the busy times that you are wanting to see, you are wanting to absorb everything but then everything just sort of passes you by…sometimes i can see god working so clearly in the world, my life, friends and family. i can see him in my church, all the change that is happening there and in the fellowship that has built up so strongly over the past few months. and yeah, i can see him in the pain but at the same time it’s hard. it’s in the pain i should reach out but then what if you feel so unworthy of this love? what if you just want to run away despite knowing that there is grace waiting to meet you? i would like a rewind button but i don’t think you get those. love is overwhelming; i have experienced it so much this week on so many levels, from so many people. unconditional love…i can’t get my head round it. and it’s selfish, but i seem to be running away from it in my overwhelmed state. i know i should be doing the exact opposite and the really bizarre thing is; i still can. it’s never going to go away. maybe the only thing holding me back from really seeing and feeling is myself.

“Sometimes
I listen for your word
and hear nothing.

And sometimes
you make so much noise
I can hear nothing else.”

 

hum. this needs more thoughtage.

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All around you?

October 12, 2008 1 comment

The Word’s out

In the quite of my room
the only noise
is the thump of my own heart
and angry voiced arguing in my head.

You can’t say I don’t give you a chance
Sometimes I may say nothing
for as long as five minutes.
Your silence is still deafening.

But then I open a book
and out tumbles your voice.
And when I try to shut that up
I find you can get a word in anywhere.

I’ve even heard you sometimes from the pulpit
I hear you on the Nine O’clock News
saying ” What have you done with the world I gave you?”

I hear you in the tabloids
saying ” Whoever is without sin
cast the first stone.”

With the first burst of spring flowers
you say ” Look- no hands!”

With the most extraordinary sunset
You say “look, just relax”.

The shrunken face of hunger
is you saying ” Feed me”.

The beggar on the underground
is you saying ” House me”.

The dreaded diagnosis
is you saying ” Heal me”.

The valium prescription
is you saying ” Free me”.

The redundancy notice
is you saying ” Value me”.

The scream of the tortured victim
is you saying ” Father, forgive”.

The priest staring down the barrel of a gun
is you saying “Love casts out fear”.

When I am late and hurrying
you are the face on the clock
saying ” I am the beginning and the end”.

When I am greedy
you are the face on the banknote
saying ” Treasure is in heaven”.

When I am proud you drop your banana-skins in front of me
saying ” Don’t look down”.

When I am lonely
you are the stillness of the house
saying ” I am with you, always”.

And when I am grieving
you are the voice at the graveside
saying ” I am the Resurrection and the life”.

Sometimes
I listen for your word
and hear nothing.

And sometimes
you make so much noise
I can hear nothing else.

 

Godfrey Rust

I love this poem…his book “Welcome to the Real World” is amazing. I may come back tomorrow, or another day and write my thoughts on it but for now I’ll quote JC:

“Yet be sure of this: the Kingdom of heaven is near.”
 
 

 

 

outside in

October 5, 2008 3 comments

A mini thought…

Sometimes we get so caught up right in the middle of things; we get so involved in something that there seems no way out. There are decisions to make and mess to clean up but when you’re right there amongst it all, there seems to be no logical way round it? Maybe we don’t want to see fault in something WE’RE involved in? Then we take a step back from the chaos and take a look from a different perspective. Things look clearer, easier to fix; there might be a different road to take. You are more open minded. Maybe it takes that different view to see the mistakes? Can we really change things looking from the outside in though?

 

HUM.

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the drugs don’t work.

October 1, 2008 2 comments

glange, glange, glange. (why would anyone blog about it? blame nicola)

I’m now back at uni and kinda loving it; LOVE my classes, music things, friends and even just a wee bus trip in the morning with the Metro for my eyes and an ipod for my ears. I’m not even objecting to being in Dundee; I’ve never been sure about “feeling like you are where you’re supposed to be” thoughts but all I know is I am here and I’m getting on with it for however long that may be. Getting back into it all after the summer has been quite difficult in all honesty. Cue the glange chat….I’m a wee bit unpredictable for the moment. Most of the time I am finey-more than fine actually. But then then out of the blue I’ll wake up and feel totally lethargic, drained and totally useless. There are other times when you are up and about feeling fine but then right in the middle of something, even just walking about, you get that feeling again. It’s really hard to explain actually. It’s also semi embarrassing- can be sitting in the library looking incredibly tired and people just think you have been out too late the night before! There is the other side of it which I reckon relates to the tiredness- but there can be days when you just feel really down for no good reason and it’s really bizarre. It comes and goes in the same way as the physical tiredness- it’s exactly the same but with your mind rather than your body. It’s really hard to be around lots of people when it gets like that. There is always that worry that you might end up being really rude and that’s a bit horrible. There have been occasions when both physical and mental sides of it have decided to come and misbehave and well…that’s just horrific and really just requires a bed!

the title of this post is somewhat misleading. there are no drugs to take- just some good old fruit and vitimin c! I want it to go away. I don’t know when it shall go. I would like to go to sleep and know that the next day I am going to wake up feeling alright. I want it to stop owning me.(that sounded really ghetto-I am not sure I can get away with that)

There have actually been other exciting things going on, very exciting. I shall save them for another time but for the moment I shall leave you with my glangey thoughts.

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