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Hello 2011…

January 10, 2011 1 comment

Happy New Year Blog!

It has been an incredibly long time since I blogged. I am not going to say I shall be much better at it now we are in 2011 as, for the next few months at least, life will be very, very busy. Last year I made a big post about how 2009 had been even though I still don’t always like to map life out in “years” as such. I tend to take everyday as it comes but, again, it does sometimes feel quite good to reflect upon the year that has gone by. Saying that, I am not going to do that. I will just say that 2010 has been very good. A few things that have been extra special that stick out are having a truly fantastic Burns night, going to Rome, passing my driving test, becoming an elder, choosing a dissertation topic I love, going to Fort Augustus for mission, having a final year of mission in Lossiemouth, passing exams, meeting some very wonderful people, maturing, Youth Assembly, being nominated as a Youth Rep for GA, joining an excellent orchestra and loving music again, being orchestra convener at uni, barnhill café and baby Alfie being born! There was lots more but that is off the top of my head.

I probably should but I never really set myself big goals for the year coming. It is mostly because I cannot decide what they should be. Last year I wanted to pass my driving test. I did that…eventually! Hoorah! This year I would like to get a job…but I’ll see how that turns out! I am hoping.

2011 is looking very nice. There are lots of things to look forward to…mostly graduating and General Assembly! 🙂

I am excited. This post has been pointless. But feel the excitement. And I shall no doubt return to blab about Rabbie Burns again, because he is a favourite.

we’ve got to carry each other, carry each other.

May 23, 2009 Leave a comment

This week the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland meet and the main focus of the media on the event has been on the events that will take place tonight; the case concerning the decision of Aberdeen Presbytery and the Overture. I am not going to write about my opinion on it, because it’s been said by people, in other blogs, much more clearly than I could ever do. I am nevous about the proceedings, I am worried about the conflict. My main hope is that whatever the outcome people will show love, show love to each other. There will be disagreement but I hope no one will condemn anyone for such opposing views. A big learning curve for me, in my church life, is that treating people with love and grace is vitally important, something Jesus continually talked about; “Love your neighbour…”. Sometimes, we fail but we can always learn from this. I hope and pray there is love shown, from both sides, and that the proceedings are peaceful. The protests this morning, showing personal attacks through the signs displayed were hurtful and I really, really hope this is not something that is continued into tonight.

I like U2:

“One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers

One life
But we’re not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other”

The General Assembly, of course, has so many other items of business to attend to and yesterday showed that this business was not being set aside as being of any less importance. I sat in the public gallery which made me realise how amazing it is to be a youth rep at the Assembly and how much I missed it, but it was good to watch proceedings and see lots of people again. Communion from the public gallery was really moving; even though we were not commissioners we were still included in the worship and this demonstrated to me how inclusive the assembly is. The Church and Society council report took up most of the day. I was really impressed with the clear passion displayed regarding climate change, which attracted a lot more debate than I expected. Throughout the report I was moved by many commissioners speeches but one that particularly stuck out was one given by Rev Peter Johnston, regarding the use of torture. It seemed vital for the church to affirm this; something that continues to happen despite the clear opposition to it in law within human rights legislation. It still continues to happen and the church affirming that the use of torture should be deplored demonstrated to me its willingness to enforce and uphold its moral stance.

That is all I shall say for the moment. I miss GA a lot currently but I’m so happy to be able to be a geek and follow it from either the gallery or the web. Finally, for tonight, I hope there is peace and I hope there is love. I also hope there is continued fellowship and friendship; things that have been so evident to me over my time at GA.

please don’t go rushing by, stay and make my heart fly…

January 3, 2009 1 comment

Wow, blogging again. I always think when new year comes around that I am not a Hogmanay fan, and I’m still not certain I am but this year it turned out to be really lovely and definitely did not give me cause to be grumpy. I guess sometimes I think that New Year can be over rated and actually it is just another day but after much thought, I think maybe that it is good to look back upon the year that has passed and look forward to the new one and it gives a chance for a fresh start although I guess this can happen at anytime in the year, not just New Year.

2008 has been a funny little year. It’s been full of little events that maybe didn’t seem much at the time but when you look back on them as part of “your year” then they all seem to add up and you are able to see what has changed since 2007, ways you have changed, ways people have changed and ways the world has changed.

2008 had loads of exciting little moments and I think quite a lot of these were down to people. I met so many new people, strengthened friendships, lost people, loved people. I laughed so much with people: face jokes, meatloaf singstar, eating pie on pi day, excessive hand washing, getting ripped because of my accent in tutorial, ear chat, nominating committee banter and sex bombing.(that sounds wrong. that’s probably because it is.) The list is endless. Laughter is good. I also realised how much I loved people and I also experienced being loved even if I couldn’t and still cannot understand why. My heart was, and still is, broken from missing someone; someone that had such a profound impact on my life that things just don’t seem right without them near. There are so many people who have been part of, have made, my year. I let people in more they have changed who I am.

“So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.”
(“For Good” from Wicked the musical)

I didn’t think I would write about what I am next going to mention but it seems to be important for some reason. I have been really fortunate this year with being able to be at university and have time to study whilst having a job(or two) that I really, really love. One has given me amazing friends, laughter and space to study and the other has given me the opportunity to be involved in something I really care about even if it means researching Broughty Ferry’s non existent train service. It also allows me to sit and listen to FMQ’s with a cup of tea and a lot of non selling your soul banter. It’s very sad that I will probably have to leave them both at some point this year. It will definitely leave a massive hole when the time comes and I’m not totally sure what will fill it…

A small breakthrough this year has been with university. It has never been a horrific experience but the whole of first year was full of panic that I was studying the wrong subject and that I was in the wrong city. Second year has so far made it clear that I love the subject I am studying. I have no idea what will happen after university and although that may not be helpful it doesn’t take away from the fact that I love being and learning at university. I guess I am just really rubbish at decisions and I am unsure how to fix this but a lot has been clearer after knowing that is actually ok to not be a lawyer, or in fact be one and it’s ok to hate company law. I am scared of what will happen but I am also really excited. I am scared of possibly going away for a year in September and being away from so many people and places for such a long time. But i am equally scared of missing an opportunity like that because of fear. I feel like I need to grab it and go but at the same time I don’t currently want to and that is really confusing but could potentially be amazing.


“I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance, I hope you dance”
(“I Hope You Dance”- Ronan Keating)

I think as every year passes there is always this horrible fear of getting older. It’s something you cannot control and you cannot rewind time and go back to any time you want. It’s good to look back on good times that have passed but it’s also good to look to the future and be filled with that same happiness. It’s a harder task sometimes but hope makes it easier and there are many people from 2008 who make the future feel exciting be it in the worldwide sense, for writing a song, for providing opportunity or even just for making me laugh.

barack obama
stewart hosie
david lunan and gordon brown
Karine Polwart
michael mcintyre

As I keep writing this, and I am taking many days, I am very aware that there were points of the year where I made mistakes, sometimes small ones, sometimes big ones. Everyone makes them and sometimes it’s really hard to let go of them. There is a lot of “if only…” chat and it’s hard to see why I would cling onto it. I know I don’t have to but it’s still there. The mistakes have made me who I am so it’s the after product I should cling onto but it’s really odd. Forgiving yourself is sometimes harder than forgiving other people.

“Take the tiredness of my days,
take my past regret,
letting your forgiveness touch
all I can’t forget”
(Take This Moment-CH4 (ayeeee) 501)

I think it would be impossible to go through a 2008 blog without mentioning General Assembly and Youth Assembly, however, I am not going to say a lot about them. There is an earlier blog about Youth Assembly so I would possibly just repeat myself but the impact these events have had has been huage. I’ve experienced grace, community, love and learning in huge proportions and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to express how grateful I am for that.

I feel this may be a good time to stop but 2008 has been good, if a little bit funny. I’m really excited about 2009 and hopefully I’ll choose to dance like Ronan Keating.