Posts Tagged ‘God’

To boldly go…

August 31, 2010 2 comments

Hello blog.

I have not blogged in a LONG time. I have been on holiday from university and took that as an opportunity to take an actual holiday from most things, including social media- well some of it.

Anyway, I appear to be back.

This Friday I am going to the National Youth Assembly 2010- To Boldly Go…
This shall be my 6th (!) Youth Assembly. I am old.

I think I write about it most years, so I shall keep it short.

You can follow all the goings on in the blog world via…this link
Also people will be twittering under the hashtag #nya2010 or the user @cosy_nya

I’m hoping for good debates. I’m hoping that people will speak and share their stories, their views. I’m hoping people will feel included. I’m hoping for fun. I’m hoping people will meet God.

This song speaks these hopes I think…
People have names, people have voices.

you chose the cross.

April 3, 2010 Leave a comment

Happy Easter. 🙂 xx

You chose the cross with every breath
The perfect life, The perfect death
You chose the cross
A crown of thorns you wore for us
And crowned us with eternal life
You chose the cross
And though your soul was overwhelmed with pain
Obedient to death You overcame

I’m Lost in wonder
I’m lost in love
I’m lost in praise forevermore
Because of Jesus’ unfailing love
I am forgiven
I am restored

You loosed the chords of sinfulness
And broke the chains of my disgrace
You chose the cross
Up from the grave victorious
You rose again so glorious
You chose the cross
The sorrow that surrounded you was mine
“Yet not my will but yours be done” You cried

(Lyrics…Martin Layzell- Lost in Wonder)

Walking by faith…

February 27, 2010 3 comments

I didn’t really think I would write about this as I am never sure if it is something you should write about in a blog but then again, it’s not a secret. I simply suck at speaking about such things.
Quite a few months ago I was asked to be an elder. I am not the best at making any kind of decision never mind one that involves a life time commitment. Therefore, I have changed my mind so, so many times. It’s tricky. It’s made me look at my whole self, my faith, my relationships…everything! My main concern is my age and I absolutely know that should not be an issue but it feels like a factor. I’m not convinced I have anything to bring to the role of an elder. I’m not convinced I am mature enough. Everything is one big doubt.

Another part of me feels called to the role. I never really understood “callings” but then I don’t think you do until you experience one. It’s hard to describe. Maybe I am letting doubts and fears get in the way of it all but maybe I am being realistic too?! I am not sure.

I remembered this song a lovely friend of mine introduced me to over the summer: “By Faith” by Keith and Kristyn Getty. I love their music. It’s modern and relevant and doesn’t make me feel awkward or uncomfortable! hoorah. Anyway, point is…that song. It’s about walking by faith and not by sight. Tricky tricky tricky. I feel small. That is all.

as he said and as he promised, as we doubted and denied…

April 11, 2009 Leave a comment

“See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?”

Doubt, questions, confusion…they have all filled my head this week. Quite often I’ve been asking myself the big questions that maybe I haven’t been ready to ask before or haven’t had the courage to ask before.

How can something feel so real yet so far beyond our understanding? Do we place too much pressure on ourselves and others to believe in certain things that we ourselves aren’t even sure of? Are we pressurising people whose faith, at times feels so tiny and weak, into maintaining certain standards and behaviours? Sometimes it feels when it comes to faith it is so easy to isolate people. We can often be too quick to assume that everyone is at the same stage; we fail to see that person with the tiny faith that needs nurturing and encouragement and our eyes are drawn towards others.

Diversity is so special and it often seems as though we, too often, all want to be the same; have exactly the same opinions and beliefs. When will we celebrate it and learn to be authentic?

Too many questions; no answers. oops.

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

all around you?(2)

October 17, 2008 1 comment

so i have been reading this poem a lot since last week and i have been thinking a lot about it too. i always find poetry quite a bizarre thing- there’s so much going on in a poem; some of it jumps straight out at you and other things take their time to become clear and then you have a wee “ooh” moment.

this past week has been really busy. sometimes it’s hard to see things in the busy times and i often feel it’s during the busy times that you are wanting to see, you are wanting to absorb everything but then everything just sort of passes you by…sometimes i can see god working so clearly in the world, my life, friends and family. i can see him in my church, all the change that is happening there and in the fellowship that has built up so strongly over the past few months. and yeah, i can see him in the pain but at the same time it’s hard. it’s in the pain i should reach out but then what if you feel so unworthy of this love? what if you just want to run away despite knowing that there is grace waiting to meet you? i would like a rewind button but i don’t think you get those. love is overwhelming; i have experienced it so much this week on so many levels, from so many people. unconditional love…i can’t get my head round it. and it’s selfish, but i seem to be running away from it in my overwhelmed state. i know i should be doing the exact opposite and the really bizarre thing is; i still can. it’s never going to go away. maybe the only thing holding me back from really seeing and feeling is myself.

I listen for your word
and hear nothing.

And sometimes
you make so much noise
I can hear nothing else.”


hum. this needs more thoughtage.

All around you?

October 12, 2008 1 comment

The Word’s out

In the quite of my room
the only noise
is the thump of my own heart
and angry voiced arguing in my head.

You can’t say I don’t give you a chance
Sometimes I may say nothing
for as long as five minutes.
Your silence is still deafening.

But then I open a book
and out tumbles your voice.
And when I try to shut that up
I find you can get a word in anywhere.

I’ve even heard you sometimes from the pulpit
I hear you on the Nine O’clock News
saying ” What have you done with the world I gave you?”

I hear you in the tabloids
saying ” Whoever is without sin
cast the first stone.”

With the first burst of spring flowers
you say ” Look- no hands!”

With the most extraordinary sunset
You say “look, just relax”.

The shrunken face of hunger
is you saying ” Feed me”.

The beggar on the underground
is you saying ” House me”.

The dreaded diagnosis
is you saying ” Heal me”.

The valium prescription
is you saying ” Free me”.

The redundancy notice
is you saying ” Value me”.

The scream of the tortured victim
is you saying ” Father, forgive”.

The priest staring down the barrel of a gun
is you saying “Love casts out fear”.

When I am late and hurrying
you are the face on the clock
saying ” I am the beginning and the end”.

When I am greedy
you are the face on the banknote
saying ” Treasure is in heaven”.

When I am proud you drop your banana-skins in front of me
saying ” Don’t look down”.

When I am lonely
you are the stillness of the house
saying ” I am with you, always”.

And when I am grieving
you are the voice at the graveside
saying ” I am the Resurrection and the life”.

I listen for your word
and hear nothing.

And sometimes
you make so much noise
I can hear nothing else.


Godfrey Rust

I love this poem…his book “Welcome to the Real World” is amazing. I may come back tomorrow, or another day and write my thoughts on it but for now I’ll quote JC:

“Yet be sure of this: the Kingdom of heaven is near.”



A moment like this…or maybe not.

September 11, 2008 1 comment

Right, so I’m back again but not for any great length of time. Have been having a huge ponder about all of Mark’s talks in general and I’m not convinced I’ll ever be able to put the challenges and thoughts into writing but I may try and put some of them on over the next few days.

I’ve currently been laughing at how unproductive my day has been. Actually, it has not been that unproductive but when you’ve been at something like NYA, everyday after that feels unproductive for a while. I got excited about going back to uni for quite some time and actually started learning about some law myself. I didn’t learn about any law I need to know about at this moment which is what makes my learning all the more bizarre. I started looking up some Church flavoured law. I have to confess to being quite a fan. I kind of wish I could spend my whole life being at uni and learning things but I realise this is somewhat unpractical. I also realise I may not be saying this in four years time. But I had a kind of happy time today. I had some rather bizarre thoughts during the summer that I had maybe chosen the wrong course all along and should have done some maths/science related learning but all those bizarre thoughts have gone and am really excited about getting right back into it.

I had a church meeting tonight and although that should have really been quite a non-exciting prospect it felt quite the opposite. People knew I had been at Youth Assembly and I couldn’t wait to start telling people all about it…in fact I probably started telling some people who didn’t want to hear about it some stories. oops! The chat was not for that long really as that was not the purpose of the meeting but someone asked me; “what was the best bit?” and after my blah blah blah…I suddenly went “oh”. I really struggled to pin point a “bit” but I don’t think I wanted to. I didn’t want the whole experience to revolve around one particular moment cause that wasn’t what the weekend was about. There were amazing moments that I talked of in my previous post but I couldn’t tie any of those down to being the best thing. I suppose maybe when I answered the person who asked the question I didn’t quite word it that way and perhaps ended up saying something much more vague. Youth Assembly, this weekend, wasn’t about having a series of mind-blowingly amazing moments…I mean it has contained them and will do but for me what is really special about it was the atmosphere, the constant buzz of excitement, the thinking, understanding, the love….hm. I could go on but maybe none of these things can be defined by a moment, maybe it takes more time than that. I think I have actually lost sight of what I was trying to say. I hope I am not sounding too superficial but I know I am sounding random. Anyway, I’ll come back another day with possibly more clear thoughts and probably much different to the ones I have here.


Categories: nya2008, random Tags: , ,