Posts Tagged ‘life’

Where are you now?

August 20, 2016 Leave a comment

For some reason, I decided to stumble onto my blog today. It’s been around since 2008. I was 18/19 when it started. I am now older.

Usually when you read back on things that you wrote when you were younger, there is a slight cringe that can happen. However, that didn’t happen when I picked a few random blogs to look back on. It was actually nice to look back on and go “oh, that’s different now”. Things are really different.

Back in July 2015, I blogged. There was perhaps an intention to make it regular but I think I know that it will never happen. Despite the blog being a thing that is out in the public domain, I don’t expect anyone to read it. Blogs have changed since I was writing in 2008. In 2008, I was part of a small community of bloggers. We all knew each other. I also had people in my own little blog circle that I had never met and I considered them friends. We would read each other’s blogs and comment away on them. Blogs are commercial now. They are specialised, niche and there to market products/people/lifestyles. I suspect there are still little bubbles that exist, but it’s probably not why someone starts a blog now.

All of that is to say, I’ll probably still drop by here every now and again for my own updating purposes. It’s helpful to look back.

In July 2015, I was lamenting the Labour party. It’s sad that a year on, I would say things have gotten worse for them. They struggle with their identity. They struggle to work together for the greater good and it’s all about what can win an election except, I’m not sure anyone has the answer to that. There is injustice at the core – members not being allowed to vote. I don’t really care much for the arguments for or against that. I think, at the core, you are denying members, people who support you, a right to vote for a leader which you all signed up for. Anyway. I digress. Things have still changed for them in that year. Not for the better I would say.

For myself, I think things have changed for the better. Since April 2014, I have changed jobs twice. It feels like I left a safety net, took some risks and there were times when it didn’t seem like it had paid off but I can say, now, that it has. So, I have some job security now which is not the ultimate goal but I also really, really like my job and that is a good and rare thing. It’s calm in that part of my life and looking back on this blog, that is quite a thing because I was constantly feeling insecure about the future. Insecure about where I would end up. It occupied too much of my head space which I don’t regret. It’s just interesting and I wonder what would have happened if my head had been full of other things.

I have a dog now. Pets are great. For the soul and the body.

So is it all plain sailing? No. There are still challenges ahead and they are approaching fast. I feel ready to deal with them.

I have lots of questions about vocations, journeys, destinations. I don’t know what to do with the questions but I think they have always been there but now that everything else has calmed down, I can perhaps start to do some digging.


Watch the space.

poisson rouge.

November 9, 2008 2 comments

i have had a lot of goldfish chat on my mind as of late so i thought i would take it a bit further, probably too far, and it may come across either ridiculous or hilarious but i don’t mean it to be.

i have met two goldfish as of late. the first one that entered my life was a herbert. neil got him as a gift and he came in a very lonely little tank, looking very sad. i am not sure how or even if a fish can look sad but i am pretty certain that he did. he didn’t even go for wee swims, just floated and he didn’t seem to be “living” despite being alive. his tank was so sad, it was empty with some stones at the bottom. this is where i shall get ridiculous; all i could compare this image to was a human being put on a piece of grass, some plastic put round them and then every so often someone would sprinkle some rice crispies on top of them for some food. maybe it’s not so bad for a fish. but i couldn’t get over how sad he looked in his wee tank. my mum obviously felt sorry for him too and has been making his little home a bit more like a home; plants and bubbles (!!) and he actually swims now and looks more like a fish. i still don’t think it’s very nice, however. poor herbert. maybe he is completely content in his confinement, this would be nice, but it alarms me.

i also met another fish, just this week, who belonged to a pal and i got to name it. i decided to go with a name appropriate to the date of purchase; the day i had this overwhelming sense that the world had completely changed for the better, so he was named Barack. he didn’t look overly well when he arrived in his tank either, sadly…i must have a bad effect on fish. i was away at the children’s assembly this weekend and was getting text updates on barack’s health. sadly he died on saturday….he did not even last a week!

i know, i know…it’s just a fish. but it made me feel a bit horrible to know he spent his days in a tiny tank, with no pals, no freedom.  i believe i am sounding mildly eccentric. oh well.

i am very, very tired after the weekend that has just passed so i am going to essay my life away and then sleep, but not in a tank; in a bed, with some music and many a happy memory in my mind.