Today is not tomorrow.

Because tomorrow can be better.

Today is a big day in the small world that we live on. I worry about its future every day.

Today, President Trump became a reality. We all laughed when it was a mere suggestion, a joke. Maybe there’s a lesson in complacency here. Let’s speak up because there are so many groups of people fearful for what Trump will mean to them. Let’s welcome everyone and let’s fight for a more inclusive world where hate like this doesn’t have a place, where it doesn’t triumph over our jokes, where we stand strong in the face of it.

For now, I’ll be praying for everyone who is in fear and I’ll be praying that we can all take on this new world and create some love and space for all.

The great thing about this blog lacking in consistency but making up for that in age is that I wrote about Obama in 2008 and the hope that was coming. I’m going to go back and read that and try and work out what hope the world needs now.

Where are you now?

For some reason, I decided to stumble onto my blog today. It’s been around since 2008. I was 18/19 when it started. I am now older.

Usually when you read back on things that you wrote when you were younger, there is a slight cringe that can happen. However, that didn’t happen when I picked a few random blogs to look back on. It was actually nice to look back on and go “oh, that’s different now”. Things are really different.

Back in July 2015, I blogged. There was perhaps an intention to make it regular but I think I know that it will never happen. Despite the blog being a thing that is out in the public domain, I don’t expect anyone to read it. Blogs have changed since I was writing in 2008. In 2008, I was part of a small community of bloggers. We all knew each other. I also had people in my own little blog circle that I had never met and I considered them friends. We would read each other’s blogs and comment away on them. Blogs are commercial now. They are specialised, niche and there to market products/people/lifestyles. I suspect there are still little bubbles that exist, but it’s probably not why someone starts a blog now.

All of that is to say, I’ll probably still drop by here every now and again for my own updating purposes. It’s helpful to look back.

In July 2015, I was lamenting the Labour party. It’s sad that a year on, I would say things have gotten worse for them. They struggle with their identity. They struggle to work together for the greater good and it’s all about what can win an election except, I’m not sure anyone has the answer to that. There is injustice at the core – members not being allowed to vote. I don’t really care much for the arguments for or against that. I think, at the core, you are denying members, people who support you, a right to vote for a leader which you all signed up for. Anyway. I digress. Things have still changed for them in that year. Not for the better I would say.

For myself, I think things have changed for the better. Since April 2014, I have changed jobs twice. It feels like I left a safety net, took some risks and there were times when it didn’t seem like it had paid off but I can say, now, that it has. So, I have some job security now which is not the ultimate goal but I also really, really like my job and that is a good and rare thing. It’s calm in that part of my life and looking back on this blog, that is quite a thing because I was constantly feeling insecure about the future. Insecure about where I would end up. It occupied too much of my head space which I don’t regret. It’s just interesting and I wonder what would have happened if my head had been full of other things.

I have a dog now. Pets are great. For the soul and the body.

So is it all plain sailing? No. There are still challenges ahead and they are approaching fast. I feel ready to deal with them.

I have lots of questions about vocations, journeys, destinations. I don’t know what to do with the questions but I think they have always been there but now that everything else has calmed down, I can perhaps start to do some digging.

 

Watch the space.

Who are the Labour Party?

I have a strange relationship with politics. In this context, I am talking specifically about party politics.

I have always had an interest in politics. When I was just 1 year old, John Major became Prime Minister. I obviously do not remember this happening however, some of my earliest political memories were of seeing John Major on the TV all the time and each time he appeared, I would shout his name. I am not sure how old I was but I must have been fairly young and I suspect I had no idea what his job really entailed, I just knew that he was fairly important. I remember liking him. Children have a bigger capacity for liking which is endearing. Children don’t tend to ask questions. I imagine if John Major were Prime Minister today, I may have more questions. I am not quite sure why I tell this story – it’s not to say that I was an 8 year old who was politically active. It’s to say that I have always been aware of politics and different parties. I also remember the 1997 election. I don’t remember details but I remember everyone saying that it was a big deal and I remember my dad buying me and my brothers chocolate lollies with the faces of John Major, Tony Blair and Paddy Ashdown on them. They had different coloured ribbons and I remember asking why they were different. At this point, I realised that politics was difficult and that different people supported different things.

I can’t say that my political interest took off after the 1997 election…I suspect I went back to dreams of being a vet and playing with toys. It’s always been there though.

When I reached High School, I met people who had an interest in politics and I had some of the best conversations during that time. I found High School quite tricky. I felt quite old for my years and I yearned for chat that challenged me. I got that from these individuals. They challenged me to go out and learn about the political parties and learn about policies. 5th and 6th year of school really sparked my interest.

By the time I got to University, I was fully determined to join a society so that I could keep having those conversations. I noticed that there was a general politics society but that there were also party specific ones and for some reason, I thought that university was the time to take the plunge and make a commitment. I read up on policies and decided that Scottish Labour was the best fit for me. They were about social justice, education, employment…all good things. I was particularly attracted to their social justice policies. So, I went to meetings, got myself involved and was all set to get stuck in. I went to my first conference (a youth type one) and it was around then that I started to waver. I went to a full weekend conference…it must have been in around 2007/2008. I was instantly put off – there was  constant negative lament about the SNP and how terrible they were. At this point, I start asking…so if they are, why are you better? What are you saying that they are not? Where is your challenge to what they are saying? There was none. I don’t think it was because the party weren’t capable of challenge, they just went into negative mode and I am not sure they have ever left it. At the time of the conference, Labour were in power in both the Scottish and UK Parliaments. It’s been pretty awful to watch what has happened since then. I had a good time in the society I joined – the meetings were great. The students in Young Labour were amazing but on the bigger scale, I felt hopeless and voiceless. When would policies be the main conversation again? When would Labour start talking to the electorate and stop bad mouthing other political parties? I really thought there would be a change, but I have yet to see it and the hope is fading for me.

More recently, the hope has well and truly faded. There is still a very small glimmer…but not much is left. We’ve now seen Labour’s most disastrous election result (ever?). The loss hasn’t really impacted on my hopes – I kind of expected that. The loss made me really sad because I am genuinely terrified of the effects of a Conservative government. That’s another matter though. What has made me really sad recently has been conversations surrounding the leadership contest. My sadness has been sparked over the rebellion voters on the welfare cuts. Labour MPs were asked to abstain from the vote by the leadership and a good chunk decided to go against that instruction and vote against it. As an opposing party, this should be what they are doing most of the time right? The cuts proposed are going to have a significant impact on young people, on workers – and it’s not a good impact. It’s devastating. I thought Labour were meant to stick up for those people?! That’s what I was told when I naively joined the party back when I was 18. Now they abstain? Offer us something different! That’s why you are there!

So the leadership contest is both dull and interesting. Jeremy Corbyn is gathering support – he was not an abstainer. He speaks up for young people. He speaks up for the vulnerable and he speaks up for workers. He is by far the most compelling and he offers something different. He offers a real alternative to a Conservative government which the Parliament so badly needs right now. The other three? They seem to say broadly the same things and seem to be all set for maintaining this slightly odd centre-right party that offer very little to voters. As Jeremy Corbyn is gaining support, I see that Tony Blair has once again come out for his say on matters. I find it very odd when he comes out and says things in relation to current party issues. There is still a lot of ill feeling about his time as Prime Minister and many blame him for the downfall of Labour. I think there is more to the downfall, but there is feeling out there. It feels like someone thinks that he still carries favour. He was once very popular. It’s like he has been sent with a mission – to steer everyone away from a Labour party that dares to have a left wing agenda. He has been outwardly critcising Corbyn’s approach and it’s incredibly frustrating.

The main frustration with the Labour party is – they don’t know who they are. They are trying to work out who their leader is without having worked out what they stand for and what they want to put forward. Hariet Harmann was on TV recently talking about her instructions to MPs to abstain in the welfare vote. She talked about gaining back trust and becoming electable again. My difficulty with that is…you are currently elected and people want you to actually stand for something. They didn’t vote conservative so you can probably work out that they might want you to offer something different. Get talking to your voters – don’t guess what they want, try to be more Conservative because they got elected. Stick your neck out – offer an alternative, offer something you believe in and people will vote if they believe in it. People need something to believe in.

I really think that the Labour party could be very exciting if Jeremy Corbyn is voted in as leader. I think there might be some kind of split but I hope that there wouldn’t be and that Labour could start offering policies that were different, that were their own and that represented the electorate. If they get someone else…I think there are more wounds to come.

Who ARE the Labour Party???

How do we respond to global terror?

This week has seen many horrific stories in the news – stories from around the world involving terror, death and fear. How do we respond to it?

When I heard/saw the news, I was in a public building which had a news screen and I saw that people had gathered round it. I saw the flashing “Breaking News” scroll across the bottom so realised that something had happened. The sad part was that it wasn’t just one thing. Stories came in from Tunisia, France and Kuwait. The even sadder part was that this isn’t the first time that we have heard stories of this nature. It’s becoming less surprising and more normal but still the same level of terrifying.

How do we respond to these stories? How do we stop them from becoming “normal”? Can we? Can anything be done?

I don’t know.

What has moved me this particular evening is reading stories from survivors. I read them and started crying – all of them are so thankful to be here and so sorry for those who are not. What really touched me was the stories of the hotel workers and other local people going all out to help people – creating a human barricade around a hotel and hiding people. What bravery these people showed. There were others and in particular, the man who took a bullet for his fiance. Through all the terror, we see huge acts of love that we just don’t see in everyday life. I wish we did, but it seems to take a terrifying act for love to shine some light.

The world scares me at the moment but in that, there is hope. There is love.

A phrase that is particularly apt for this week, particularly in light of the news in America at the weekend – #lovewins

Opening up to the world of blogging again

I’ve been considering the move for a while now but it seems like it might be about the right time to get back into some blogging. I really enjoyed blogging. I am concerned that I enjoyed it in a selfish kind of way – I found it very theraputic and it did not really matter to me whether people read it or enjoyed but was happy to let people read it because I didn’t post anything that I thought wasn’t for the public eye. The internet scared me (still does) and I backed off, privated everything and ran away. I have missed the outlet.

I guess my main problem with blogging is that it is helpful to have a theme for your blog – that seems to be the way to make a success of blogging. However, I am not really interested in it being a success. I mostly want a reason to write things and I want a space to air them. I am aware of the argument that this doesn’t need to be public and I could just write. Some of the things that I used to like about blogging was occasionally finding out who read the posts, sporadic comments from people and engagement with people who thought along the same lines. Occasionally, there would be the odd disagreement although I don’t think I ever wrote about anything controversial.

I have changed a lot in four years – I last blogged in 2011. I think I was in a reasonably weary place back in 2011. I was job hunting and nervous about it. Looking back on it – it was certainly not as dramatic as I may have thought at the time. I should have enjoyed the lack of responsibility more but at the same time, I do not want to forget how hopeless that feeling was. I am very fortunate now to be in a much better place in terms of prospects. I have different plans to those I had in 2011. I think more exciting plans.

So what has changed?

– I am now more than a quarter of a century in age

– I have a job (one which I enjoy!)

– I have been an organist. Properly. I am about to not be one. Properly.

– I am married.

– I live away from my parents (you would hope so given the above!)

– I don’t attend university

– I have a different group of friends.

– I am about to move away from Dundee (slightly!)

– I have learnt some Chinese.

There are probably more things. Those seem like the big ones.

So yes, let’s get back into blogging. I am hoping to be more reflective with it although I think for my 20/21 year old self – I did not badly. There may be some more creative type stuff as well but we shall see.

Enjoy. Or not. Do as you wish.

31/10/2011

I am sure if I shall unprivate this blog anytime soon but I am going to write it like it is unprivate in the hope that one day I will feel able to let all this go into the worldwide web. I would like to start a new blog but I cannot so much be bothered so I am going to continue with this one on a newer line of thought. I am simply going to tell you about what occurs in my life. So off we go.

I am a postgraduate student, trying to get a diploma in order to qualify in a profession that is dying. I really enjoy my course even if at some moments you will find me moaning to the nearest person in the library about how “ridiculous” it all is. The truth of the matter is that I love it. I want to work in that profession. I feel called to it. I feel I would be good at it. I am not sure I have ever felt like that about anything. It is hard when you are insecure to feel like that. But I feel I have been a certain confidence in this area.

However, I have encountered a stumbling block.

The road to employment is not easy. I have had job rejection a plenty this afternoon. It is soul crushing. To the max. You can spend hours pouring out your employable self onto an application form only to find a generic rejection in your inbox/post box. It is hard to see where you went wrong and often, you may not have gone wrong but it is important to check. It’s so hard. I never completely understood the horribleness that is unemployment but I’m starting to. I don’t wnat to do it for long. Thing is, I still have the slight comfort blanket of university but it’s not for long and I am continually panicking about the day I have to leave that.

It’s hard to see what might be lacking on your CV. It’s hard to find time to fit in anything that might strengthen your position. It’s also hard to remain positive but I think it might be the only way to win this.

I guess I have had it pretty easy in life so far and this is my first main hurdle that is holding me back. It’s gonna be a long one. I hope it gets easier. I hope I understand why all these rejections are heading my way. I hope I remain focussed on that continual call to a profession I think I could bring so much to. I am not being big headed. I just think it is where I am best suited and any other job I would take up instead, if any, would be done half heartedly and not well.

Depressing chat, I know. Apologies.

I am off to sleep and dream of an employed Lynsey.

2nd May 2011

I am really intimidated to add to any conversation on this but I wanted to document it in some way so that I would remember it. I think it’s not an exaggeration to say that today has been one of the biggest days, globally, that I remember. Today and sadly enough, September 11.

I was working early this morning and was watching the news just before I left and heard the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed. I really didn’t know how to react and without much time to take it in I had to go off to work.

When I returned from work, I did not expect to be so baffled and saddened by the reactions, particularly from the political world, by this news. I am not going to go into anything too much because I realise I am not really in a position to offer anything particularly insightful. But I am genuinely terrified that we appear to live in a world where people can kill someone and then there be rejoicing over this. This death has been “welcomed”…what?!

Now, I know how many people have been killed. I know how much it has hurt but has killing him really made that go away? I would say probably not.

Has the problem gone away? Again, probably not?

Has “justice been done”? Definitely not. The families of those who have been affected by the actions of Bin Laden have not seen him been brought to trial. Justice has not been done; it happens in courts, not assassination. It really hurts to see political figures make this statement.

The world has scared me today and I really don’t think this is the end. I don’t want to live in a world where this is ok.

There is, however, always hope.

This pretty much sums up my thoughts today:

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy.” –

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! 🙂

As soon as my exam is done on Fridaaay, I am going to get better at the blogging and documenting things chat. Hopefully, this time I shall not be full of false promises. I want to get properly into it before the General Assembly in May; I am a youth rep. Yay, and double yay!

I am going back to rejoicing for now though. 🙂

Nearly at the end of the road…

On the 29th April I shall have finished my degree at University. Alarming times! That is the day I shall have my last ever undergraduate exam and shall be completely free. Whilst a lot of people seem to be rejoicing at this news I am actually really sad. I was sitting with some pals today and we were having a bit of a moment and we remembered back to our days in first year. What we realised is how different we are! Not only have we learnt a heck of a lot of law chats we have grown up. When you start university you feel very grown up, away from school and meeting new people. However, it makes me laugh so much now that I thought at the time I started I was mature and ready to take on the real world. I have no doubt that life away from university is going to teach me even more and I shall once again laugh at the bold statements I am making now.

I have built incredible friendships over the past four years and part of me is not really ready for that to end. I suppose that is all part of the unknown though. I am hoping to be back at university, although which one I am not sure, for another year but it will be a lot different. Different people, different learning, different aims. I’m worried. I am so used to the safety of university. It hides the fact I have no job and it contains my pals. It’s terrifying to consider leaving it. I reckon though, that having made it this far I can surely take one more step…eek!

I may not be perfection, but i never claimed to be…

Another song of joy I found today by Meghan Tonjes:

She is wonderful! 🙂 The lyrics are beautiful and it has been on repeat all day.

Out on the open highway
Out in the open air
See the world move beneath me
Leaving without a care
I know just where I came from
But I don’t know where I’ll end
Only thing that im sure of
I’d do it all again

I found a boy I could love
Maybe I found a few
Even with best intention
They never followed through
If he could take my heart now
He’d put right in her chest
Thinking he’d have a girl
He finally could love best

And im gonna be fine, fine, fine
I’m gonna be brilliant

Chorus:
This year is gonna be better
And you’re gonna see
Im gonna be stronger and a braver me
And im gonna make it ’cause I said I would
And do all the things you said I never could

I may not be perfection
But I never claimed to be
Maybe if I was thin or beautiful classically
Of all of the things I carry
And all of the things I know
I know that I will be loved
No matter where I go

And im gonna be fine, fine, fine
I’m just gonna be different

Maybe you’re the kind who needs lights falling down
Maybe you’re the kind who needs stars racing to the ground
Just to feel the things you wish for are coming true

Sometimes it’s hard to get up
Maybe it’s hard to speak
You think no one understands you
Feel like nobody sees
When the night’s dark around you
With all of the things you’ve lost
Know that the hope inside you
Sometimes is worth the cost

And we’re gonna be fine, fine, fine
We’ll be together